200 Ways to Keep Sex Interesting? No, Just One: Stay Curious

Every now and then, it's worth stepping back from the endless stream of advice about sex and asking a more fundamental question: what actually helps us keep sex interesting?

That's particularly appropriate right now, because the sex blog eLust is about to publish its 200th edition. For those who haven't come across it before, eLust is a long-running collection of writing about sex, relationships, kink, sexual health, erotic fiction, sex work, body positivity and plenty more. 

Over the years, it's provided a space for people to share experiences, ideas, advice and perspectives about sex in all its many forms.

We've been lucky enough to have some of our articles featured by eLust before, and with their 200th edition imminent, it got us thinking about what we could contribute.  We started thinking about the fundamentals.

After all those conversations about sex and relationships, perhaps one of the most useful things we can take away is surprisingly simple:

Stay curious.

Curious about yourself. Curious about your partner. Curious about what might change, what might feel different and what you might enjoy discovering together.

You don't need 200 new ideas to keep sex interesting. You might just need one good habit.

One of the easiest ways to keep sex interesting is to remain curious about your own sexuality.

That doesn't mean you need to constantly discover something new, or reinvent what you enjoy every few months. It simply means recognising that your preferences aren't necessarily fixed forever.

What felt exciting a few years ago might not have the same appeal today. 

Something you once weren't interested in might suddenly sound intriguing. Changes in relationships, confidence, experience, age, circumstances or simply mood can all influence what we find appealing.

And sometimes, we don't actually know whether we'll enjoy something until we're curious enough to explore it.

There's no requirement to maintain a permanent list of things you do and don't like.

Maybe you used to love something that no longer does much for you. Maybe you've discovered a particular type of touch that you never expected to enjoy. 

Or perhaps there's something you've been wondering about but have never felt comfortable exploring. That's all perfectly normal.

Sexual curiosity isn't about finding the "right" answer. It's about giving yourself permission to ask questions.

• What am I enjoying at the moment?
• Is there something I'd like to experience differently?
• Is there something I've always been curious about but never explored?

Those questions can be useful even when the eventual answer is simply, "Actually, that's not for me."

It's also worth remembering that sexual exploration doesn't have to involve pushing boundaries or trying something wildly different.

Sometimes curiosity leads to a very small change: trying a different type of massage, changing the pace, exploring a new sensation, wearing something that makes you feel good, introducing a game or simply paying more attention to what your body is telling you.

The goal isn't to create a checklist of increasingly adventurous experiences.

It's to stay engaged rather than going on autopilot.

And perhaps that's one of the most useful things about curiosity: it doesn't demand that you like everything you try. It simply encourages you to remain open to discovering what you might enjoy next.

One of the easiest traps in a long-term relationship is assuming that you already know everything there is to know about your partner's sex life.

After years together, you probably know their favourite things, their usual routines and what tends to work. That's valuable, but it can also make it easy to stop asking questions.

People change. Desires change. Confidence changes. Circumstances change. And sometimes a partner's interests have evolved without either person really noticing.

Instead of assuming you know what your partner wants, try asking.

It doesn't have to be a serious conversation that begins with "We need to talk about our sex life." Sometimes a simple question can open the door to something much more interesting:

"Is there anything you've been curious about lately?"

Or:

"Is there anything you'd like us to do more of?"

Or even:

"What's something we've never tried that you'd be interested in?"

The important part is that these questions are invitations, not demands. You're giving your partner an opportunity to share rather than suggesting that something is missing.

Curiosity also means being prepared to hear something you hadn't anticipated.

Your partner might have a fantasy you've never heard about. They might want to revisit something you haven't done in years. They might be curious about something that doesn't particularly interest you. That's okay.

You don't have to immediately agree to everything your partner suggests. And you don't have to interpret a new desire as criticism of what you've been doing together.

Sometimes the most valuable outcome of a conversation isn't "Let's do that tonight."

It's simply: "I'm glad you told me."

That kind of openness can make it much easier for both people to talk about sex, and we reckonn that's a pretty good foundation for keeping it interesting.

Keeping sex interesting doesn't mean constantly pushing yourselves to try something more adventurous.

In fact, curiosity works best when there's no expectation attached to it.

Trying something new should be an invitation, not an obligation. You can be curious about an idea without committing to it, and you should always be able to change your mind once you've explored it.

One of the most important things couples can establish is that "no" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

If one person suggests something and the other isn't interested, that doesn't have to become an argument, a disappointment or a judgement about the relationship.

Sometimes the answer is simply: "That's not really my thing." And that's enough.

Knowing that you can say no without consequences actually makes experimentation easier. When people feel safe declining something, they're often more comfortable saying yes when something genuinely appeals to them.

There's also no prize for being the most adventurous couple in the room.

Sex isn't a competition, and there's no required progression from "vanilla" to increasingly extreme experiences. What works for one couple might be completely uninteresting to another.

The point of trying something new is to find out whether you enjoy it, not to prove that you're adventurous.

That might mean discovering a new favourite activity. It might mean laughing at yourselves because something sounded much better in theory. Or it might mean deciding that what you already do together is pretty great after all.

All of those are perfectly good outcomes.

Curiosity becomes much more enjoyable when the goal isn't necessarily to achieve a particular outcome.

Try something because you're interested in it. See what happens. Talk about it afterwards.

If you love it, great. If you don't, you've learned something.

And if you both end up laughing halfway through because it turns out to be spectacularly impractical, you've still shared an experience together.

Sometimes taking sex less seriously is exactly what makes it more enjoyable.

There's a tendency to think that keeping sex interesting means continually pushing into more adventurous territory. But novelty doesn't have to mean doing something dramatically different.

Sometimes, the smallest changes can be enough to make something familiar feel new again.

Try changing the setting. Take a little more time. Change the pace. Give one partner the opportunity to take the lead. Spend an evening focused entirely on massage and touch rather than rushing towards a particular outcome.

Even something as simple as introducing a game, trying a new piece of lingerie or exploring a different kind of sensation can interrupt a familiar routine.

A sex card game can also be an easy way to introduce a little novelty without making the experience feel overly planned or serious.

The point isn't that any of these things are inherently better than what you already do. It's that doing something differently can make you pay attention again.

There's a difference between new and more.

If something works for you, there's no requirement to keep escalating it into something bigger, wilder or more extreme. You don't have to constantly chase the next experience.

Instead, think of your sex life as having a fairly large menu rather than a ladder that you have to keep climbing.

Sometimes you'll want to try something completely new. Other times you'll want to return to an old favourite. Occasionally you'll discover that changing one small detail is enough to make something familiar feel exciting again.

Long-term couples often develop comfortable routines, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Familiarity can be reassuring, intimate and enjoyable. The problem is when familiarity turns into autopilot.

Curiosity gives you a reason to occasionally stop and ask:

"What would happen if we did this a little differently?"

You don't need an elaborate plan. You just need to notice when you're doing something because you genuinely want to, and when you're doing it simply because that's what you always do. Sometimes, that's all the novelty you need

Once you've established that curiosity doesn't have to involve pressure or extreme experimentation, the next step is to actually give yourselves opportunities to explore together.

For some couples, that might mean trying something neither of you has done before. For others, it might simply mean finding a new way to make an old favourite feel different.

Trying something new can be more enjoyable when neither person is expected to be the expert.

You can browse ideas together, talk about things you've both wondered about, or simply decide to experiment and see what happens. There's something quite liberating about being able to say: "I don't know if we'll like this, but let's find out."

That turns exploration into something you're doing together, rather than one person introducing something that the other is expected to go along with.

And it doesn't have to be a major undertaking. A new massage oil, a card game, some lingerie, a new toy or simply setting aside an evening where you're not following your usual routine can all provide an opportunity to explore.

If you're interested in toys, our Toys for Both collection is a natural place to start looking at products designed with couples in mind.

f you're looking for some inspiration, our guide to the best couples' sex toys in Australia explores options for different preferences and budgets.

It's easy to become focused on whether something "worked". Did you both enjoy it? Did it lead somewhere? Was it worth buying? Would you do it again?

Those questions have their place, but they don't need to be the only measure of success. Sometimes the value is simply in doing something you've never done together before.

You might discover a new favourite. You might discover that something isn't for you. Or you might spend half the time laughing because your carefully planned experiment doesn't quite go according to plan. All three are experiences you've shared.

There's no schedule for sexual exploration. You don't have to try something because other couples are doing it, because it's popular online or because you think your relationship should be more adventurous.

If you're both comfortable taking things slowly, take them slowly. If you're enthusiastic about trying something new, enjoy that enthusiasm.

And if you discover that what you really want is to spend an evening doing something you've enjoyed together a hundred times before, that's fine too.

Curiosity is an invitation to explore, not a demand to keep moving.

One of the most useful parts of sexual exploration is often the part that happens afterwards.

You tried something new. Maybe you loved it. Maybe you weren't particularly impressed. Maybe one of you enjoyed it much more than the other. Instead of treating that as a verdict on the experience, use it as information.

Afterwards, ask each other what you actually enjoyed. It doesn't need to be a formal debrief. A casual conversation can be enough:

You might discover that you both enjoyed completely different parts of the experience. One partner might have loved the anticipation while the other preferred the physical sensation. Those differences can give you new ideas to explore next time.

Not everything you try is going to become a new favourite.

Sometimes something sounds fantastic in theory and turns out to be completely underwhelming in practice. Sometimes the timing is wrong. Sometimes you're simply not into it.

That's not failure. In fact, knowing what doesn't work can be just as useful as discovering something you love. It narrows the field and gives you a better understanding of what you both enjoy. Sometimes the funniest sexual memories come from the experiments that went spectacularly wrong.

If something does become a new favourite, there's no reason to immediately move on in search of the next new thing. Do it again. Enjoy it. Make small variations if you want to.

Curiosity isn't about constantly replacing yesterday's discoveries with tomorrow's. Sometimes it means finding something wonderful and becoming curious about what else you can do with it.

The goal isn't an endless stream of novelty. It's building a sex life that continues to feel engaged, playful and genuinely yours.

There's another important part of staying curious: accepting that your answers can change.

Something you loved a few years ago might not appeal to you anymore. Something you weren't interested in before might suddenly become intriguing. 

Something you thought you'd enjoy might turn out not to be your thing at all. None of that means you're inconsistent. It means you're human.

It's easy to think of sexual preferences as fixed categories: I'm into this, I'm not into that, that's just not me.

Sometimes those statements are useful. But they don't have to become permanent labels. You can try something and decide you don't like it. You can try it again years later and feel differently.

You can enjoy something occasionally without wanting it to become part of your regular sex life. You can simply change your mind.

There's freedom in recognising that you don't have to know exactly what you'll want forever.

Relationships evolve too. The things that bring you closer when you're first together might not be the things that matter most ten years later. Your circumstances may change. Your bodies may change. Your confidence may change. Your priorities may change.

A healthy sex life doesn't necessarily mean maintaining exactly the same level of excitement throughout all those changes.

Sometimes it means being willing to ask: "What feels good for us now?" That's a very different question from trying to recreate what worked in the past.  And let's face it, some of the things you might have got up to at 21 will be markedly different from what you want to (or can) do at 40-something! 

Perhaps that's why curiosity is such a useful mindset.

• You don't need to have all the answers.
• You don't need to know what you'll enjoy next.
• You don't even need to know whether you're looking for something new.

You can simply remain open to the possibility that there's something you haven't discovered yet.

Sometimes the discovery isn't a new activity at all. It might be a new way of communicating, a new understanding of your partner, or a renewed appreciation for something you've been enjoying all along.

After eLust's incredible 200 editions of people writing, talking and thinking about sex, there probably isn't a single formula that works for everyone.

And perhaps that's the point, and what's so wonderful about this aspect of humanity we're all exploring.

You don't need 200 new techniques. You don't need to constantly push yourselves towards something more adventurous. You don't need a cupboard full of toys or an ever-growing list of things you've tried. You just need to stay curious.

• Curious about yourself and how your desires might change.
• Curious about your partner and what they might be thinking or feeling.
• Curious enough to ask questions rather than make assumptions.
• Curious enough to try something new without turning it into a test.
• Curious enough to accept that sometimes the answer will be "Nope, not for us."

Perhaps the best thing about curiosity is that it doesn't have an endpoint. You can discover something you both love and then wonder how you might enjoy it differently.

You can rediscover something you'd forgotten about. You can learn something new about your partner after years together. Or you can simply realise that the thing you've been looking for isn't something new at all, it's paying a little more attention to something you already have.

So, as eLust reaches its 200th edition (congratulations!), we're not offering 200 ways to keep sex interesting. We're suggesting just one: Stay curious.

Because there's no final answer to sex, relationships or intimacy.

There's always another question.