How to Use Sex Toys With Your Partner: A Beginner's Guide

Trying sex toys with your partner can be a fun way to explore new sensations together, but knowing where to start isn't always obvious. 

You might be curious about using a vibrator during sex, introducing a couples' toy, or simply seeing what happens when you add something new to your routine.

The good news is that there isn't a right or wrong way to do it. The best approach is to talk openly, start at a comfortable pace and treat the experience as something you're exploring together, rather than something you need to get "right".

In this guide, we'll look at how to introduce sex toys into a relationship, how to choose a first toy, ways to use vibrators and couples' toys together, and some simple tips for making the experience comfortable and enjoyable for both partners.

The first step doesn't have to be buying anything, it can simply be having a conversation. 

If you're curious about trying sex toys together, bring the subject up at a time when you're both relaxed and there's no expectation that anything has to happen immediately.

You could mention something you've seen, share an article or product you're curious about, or simply say that you'd like to experiment together. Keeping the conversation about curiosity and shared exploration can make it feel much less intimidating.

It's also important that both partners feel comfortable. If one person isn't interested, don't treat that as something that needs to be overcome. You can always revisit the idea another time, or find other ways to explore together that you're both happy with.

If you're both interested, talk about what sounds appealing before choosing a toy. One partner might be interested in vibration, while the other might prefer something designed specifically for couples. 

There doesn't have to be a single "right" choice. The goal is to find something you're both excited to try.

There are plenty of sex toys that can work well for couples, so you don't need to start with something complicated. Think about what you'd both like to explore and choose a toy that fits those preferences.

External vibrators are a popular starting point because they can be used during partnered sex without necessarily changing how you have sex. A small bullet or compact vibrator can also be easy to hold and move around, while a larger wand-style vibrator offers stronger stimulation and more versatility.

Couples' vibrators are designed specifically to be used during partnered sex, with some models worn during penetration and others providing stimulation in different ways. If you'd like something hands-free or want to experiment with remote control, there are also toys designed around those features.

Cock rings can be another option for couples, with some incorporating vibration for additional stimulation. They're generally simple to use and can be a relatively straightforward introduction to couples' toys.

You don't have to choose a toy based on what seems most advanced or feature-packed. A simple toy that you're both comfortable using is often a better starting point than something complicated that neither of you knows how to use.

You can browse our Toys for Both collection for products designed to be explored together.

Looking for something to try together? Browse some of our popular couples-friendly toys.

You don't need to introduce several toys at once. If this is your first time using sex toys together, starting with one simple toy gives you a chance to work out what you both enjoy without having too many new things to think about.

A small vibrator can be a good starting point because it's easy to control and can be used in different ways. You might begin by using it externally, with one partner holding it, or take turns exploring it together.

There's also no need to make the toy the centre of the experience. Try incorporating it into things you already enjoy, rather than changing everything at once. You can experiment with different speeds, patterns and positions as you become more comfortable.

Most importantly, take your time. If something doesn't feel right or one of you isn't enjoying it, stop or change what you're doing. Trying a sex toy together should feel like an opportunity to explore, not a test you have to pass.

A vibrator doesn't have to replace anything you're already doing together, it can simply add another source of stimulation. 

Many couples find that using a vibrator externally during partnered sex is an easy way to experiment without changing too much about what they're already comfortable with.

An external vibrator can be held by either partner and used wherever it feels good. Some couples prefer the receiving partner to control the toy themselves, while others enjoy having their partner take control. There's no particular way you're supposed to use it, so try different positions and let the person receiving the stimulation guide you.

You can also experiment with different speeds and vibration patterns as you go. Start at a lower setting and adjust it based on feedback rather than assuming that stronger stimulation will necessarily be better.

Communication can make a big difference here. Simple questions such as "Is that good?", "More or less?" or "Do you want to try somewhere else?" can make it easier to work out what feels good without turning the experience into a performance.

If you're new to using vibrators, our Beginner's Guide to Choosing Your First Vibrator and Best Vibrators for Beginners guides can help you understand the different types and find a starting point.

Couples' sex toys are designed to be used as part of partnered play, and they can be a fun way to explore something new together. Some are designed to be worn during penetration, while others are intended to be held or used alongside other activities.

If you're trying a couples' toy for the first time, take a little time to understand how it works before you start. Read the manufacturer's instructions, make sure both partners are comfortable with the design, and work out who will control the toy if it has buttons, a remote or an app.

Don't be afraid to adjust or reposition the toy. What looks comfortable in the product photos might not be the most comfortable position for you and your partner, and small changes can make a big difference.

Some couples' toys offer multiple functions or app-controlled features, but you don't need to use every setting straight away. Start with something simple, find a setting you both enjoy and experiment from there.

If you're looking for specific recommendations, our Best Couples' Sex Toys in Australia guide covers different types of toys and options for different preferences.

Lubricant can make experimenting with sex toys more comfortable, particularly when you're using a toy for internal stimulation. 

It can also be useful when introducing a new toy simply because it gives you more flexibility to explore different types of stimulation.

The important thing is to choose a lubricant that's compatible with the toy you're using. Water-based lubricant is a versatile option for many sex toys, but always check the manufacturer's recommendations for your particular product and lubricant.

If you're not sure which type to choose, our guide to Water-Based vs Silicone Lube explains the differences between the two and when each may be useful.

Don't be afraid to use more lubricant if you need it. There isn't a prize for using the smallest possible amount, comfort should be the priority.

Not everyone will be equally interested in using sex toys, and that's completely okay. 

Trying something new together only works when both people feel comfortable, so there shouldn't be any pressure to participate.

If your partner isn't interested, it can help to ask what they're uncomfortable with rather than assuming it's a definite "no" to the idea. They might be curious but nervous, unsure about a particular type of toy, or simply not interested right now.

You can also explore the idea without using a toy together. For example, one partner might enjoy using a vibrator themselves while the other participates in other ways. A sex toy doesn't have to be shared physically for it to be part of a shared experience.

And if the answer is simply no, respect it. There are plenty of ways to keep sex interesting without introducing toys, and you can always revisit the conversation in the future if you both want to.

Once you've found a toy you both enjoy, give yourselves permission to experiment. You don't have to work out exactly how you'll use it before you start, and what works one time might not be what you want the next time.

Try different speeds, settings, positions and ways of holding or using the toy. If one approach doesn't feel right, change it or try something completely different. There's no need to stick with something just because you thought you'd enjoy it beforehand.

Communication makes experimenting much easier. Talk about what feels good, what you'd like to change and whether you'd like to try something different. If you're not sure what your partner wants, ask rather than guessing.

Remember that "I don't like that" is useful information, not a failure. The whole point of experimenting is to discover what you both enjoy, so take the pressure off yourselves and have fun figuring it out together.

Keeping sex toys clean is important whether you're using them alone or with a partner. Always follow the manufacturer's cleaning instructions for the particular toy, as the appropriate method can vary depending on its materials and whether it's waterproof.

If you're sharing a toy between partners, it's worth taking a little extra care. Clean the toy between uses and between different body areas, particularly if you're moving it from the anus to the vagina or penis. For toys that can be safely covered, using a new condom between users or body areas can also be a convenient option.

Make sure the toy is properly dry before storing it, and keep it somewhere clean and dry. If you're unsure about the best way to clean a particular toy, check the manufacturer's instructions rather than assuming that every toy can be washed in the same way.

For a more detailed look at toy hygiene, see our guide to keeping your sex toys clean.

Using sex toys with your partner doesn't have to be complicated. 

You don't need the biggest collection of toys, the most advanced features or a perfectly planned routine. Start with something you're both curious about, take your time and see what you enjoy.

The most important part is communicating with each other and keeping things comfortable and pressure-free. If you discover that you love using a particular toy, great. If you decide it's not for you, that's fine too.

Sex toys are simply another way to explore together. Keep an open mind, talk about what you enjoy and, most importantly, have fun experimenting together.